Tenet No. 2: Those pants that command you to suck in your stomach while wearing them? You will wear them once. Save the money, have some Foie Gras instead. It´s good for your skin, too.
I passionately hate lists that tell you what to wear at a certain age, that age usually being any age over twenty-one. I despise "dressing for your body type" with a vengeance. Who should stop you from wearing something you like, the fashion police? Believe me, if the fashion police would exist, there would not be so many people out there dressed in cheap polyester dresses (and by cheap I mean cheap-looking, not, you know, cheap as in inexpensive) or colours that will cause severe damage to your retina. Melania Trump wouldn´t be allowed to wear those pussy-bow blouses (oh, the irony!) while trying to channel Jackie Kennedy. Crocs would lose their right to exist. Fran Lebowitz, sartorial hero of yours truly, once said: "Sometimes I look at people and I think, 'What did you reject in favor of that?' " She has a point there.
So, Tenet No. 3: Wear whatever makes you happy, as long as it is beautiful. Colour-coordinate your ice-cream with your vintage Yves-Saint-Laurent blouse. Embrace lemon meringue tarte as a summer Must Have. Dark chocolate should be treated as a neutral. It really goes with anything.
Tenet No. 4: Stop looking at all those naked models in fashion magazines (seriously, when did this start? Wouldn´t the whole point of fashion magazines be to show, well, FASHION? I was told by my oh-so-chic friend JJ that there is a thing called fashiontit, which is, according to Urban Dictionary, an exposed female breast, commonly used in High Fashion photography, as a crutch to distract the viewer from bad photography, awful clothing or lack of overall aesthetic substance. It even has it´s own blog. Oh, and could we please have a totally unretouched Vogue edition? Maybe the Christmas edition of French Vogue? Joan Juliet Buck would have the balls for that.. ), google Kate Moss cellulite, and revel in the fact that you look like Kate Moss. Celebrate this by having a pain au chocolat. You have to work on that look, baby.
Tenet No. 5: Know that saying that at a certain age, you have to decide between your body and your face? It´s true. I saw my face in a mirror when I decided to forego a strawberry cupcake once, and boy, that was not a pretty sight. That haggard expression, the crazed look in my eyes, tightly pressed lips almost to the point of nonexistence. Refrain from self-denial at all costs. It makes you ugly.
Tenet No. 6: Everyone looks beautiful carrying a bunch of flowers.